Lost in Motherhood
ebooks / May 19, 2016

“It wasn’t so long ago, I accomplished a million things in the course of a day, and because ignorance is bliss, I didn’t think twice about it.  I read long books, cooked complicated meals, spent hours working my work at a comfortable pace.  While pregnant with baby number one, I was tired (green & sick) but I did what I could, when I could, and fell easily into the delusional world of new-moms-to be.  I had seen mothers before. I knew women who had kids and they made it look easy. Everyone made it look easy- how hard could it be?   And then I found out. The moment my son was born, the softly lit, delusional baby-world I’d imagined fell apart.  I was a mess of self-doubt, guilt and self-consciousness, trapped in the obsessions of a sleep-deprived mind. I was living in a small world that had little (nothing) to do with me, and everything to do with my baby.  “I can’t do this for 18 years,” I thought.  I was over-stimulated and under-stimulated, perpetually crying, continually exhausted; overwhelmed and horribly, not immediately in love with my baby.   When he was three weeks old, another mother asked who I would…